Don’t Be “That Guy”!

After spending earlier posts examining the crisis of male isolation, the masks we wear, and how we retreat into our “man cave” impacts our friendships, let’s address a hard truth. Sometimes the biggest barrier to having great friends isn’t just our environment or the masks we wear. It’s the irritating habits we bring to our relationships.

Look in the Mirror

When I find myself complaining about my friends, I need to remember to apply the “mirror principle.” This means first looking at myself in the mirror before I point fingers or blame other guys for not being a good friend or having habits that push me away.  Often, I’m the guilty one.

We all have character flaws that can frustrate others, and if I don’t audit my own behavior, I might be actively pushing away the very brotherhood I am trying to build.

Most men have what it takes to be a great friend. You’re personable, experienced, and easy to hang out with—the kind of guy people genuinely want around. Connecting with others who share your hobbies and interests is a fantastic first step toward building a new friendship.

However, as you get to know someone deeper, glaring quirks can start to surface. It could be a nervous habit or talking too much. It could be coming across as a “know-it-all” or clashing political views. Regardless, their friction points can drive you crazy and make you want to pull away. Or yours can make them pull away.

But before writing someone off as a friend, remember that you carry your own flaws too and you might be “That Guy” to someone else!

Habits That Push Men Away

Drawing from a post from my other blog based on one of my favorite websites, The Art of Manliness, here is a list of funny archetypes of “That Guy” that quietly kill male connections. Read through each and reflect on where you see yourself in any of them.

• The Poor Sport (“Crybabial Sporticus”) – He complains incessantly about bad calls and loses basic math skills when keeping score. Never accepts blame for a loss. In his mind, he can do no wrong.
• The Mooch (“Dudicus Moochalum”) – Never brings money or food to an outing. He “accidentally” leaves his wallet at home. It’s a chore to track him down later for repayment.
• Mr. Unreliable (“Amigus Bail’Outicum”) – He promises to show up but bails at the last minute. Often sends a noncommittal text. Treats “on time” as at least an hour late. Forces friends to chase him for commitments.
• The One-Upper (“Betterum Than’Youicus”) – He constantly name-drops. Reeks of superiority and elitism. Always has a story where he was stronger, drank more, or met cooler people to feed his underlying insecurity.
• The Fibber (“Fullof Crapolakis”) – He stretches the truth like a penny-pincher. Embellishes dull stories, and creates unbelievable excuses to weasel out of commitments.
• The Flip-Flopper (“Fencium Sitterus”) – Lacks a backbone or personal conviction. Alters his beliefs depending entirely on who he is talking to and trying to impress.
• The Loud Mouth (“Pieholus Gigantum”) – He cannot keep a secret. Talks during movies. Puts down friends behind their backs—proving he cannot be trusted with sensitive information.
• The Takes It Too Far Guy (“Over The’Lineicus”) – He gets far too drunk at gatherings. Pushes jokes long after they stop being funny. Lacks basic social tact.
• The Garbage Man (“In’lovum with Jesses’girlikus”) – He attempts to date a friend’s ex-girlfriend or current partner because he lacks the social skills to meet people outside his immediate circle.
• The Byte-Head (“Tech-no-friend-asaurus”) – His face is permanently buried in his smartphone. Constantly distracted by social media. Is completely disengaged from live conversation.

Replace Your Friendship-Killing Habits

Recognizing these traits in yourself isn’t about wallowing in guilt; it’s about taking active responsibility to improve them. Begin by taking an honest self-assessment and confessing your flaws to a trusted friend. It’s a big step toward replacing those annoying habits with better ones. Habits of integrity, dependability, genuine respect, and openness to improvement, 

Building lasting brotherhood simply requires you to be honest about yourself, open to correction, and the willingness to do the hard work to implement any suggestions that help you be the friend someone needs. 

Which of these 10 habits do you struggle with most when hanging out with other guys? Drop a comment below and let me know how you work to keep it in check!

Join me next week as I continue to describe the barriers to better male friendship.

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